


Lobsters

by schizoauthoress



Category: Batman: The Animated Series
Genre: Alice in Wonderland References, Gen, I think I've given enough clues for readers to realize who she is, mystery woman is not an OC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-08 20:19:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15251277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schizoauthoress/pseuds/schizoauthoress
Summary: Jervis Tetch endures mockery, and is 'rescued' by an unseen fellow inmate of Arkham Asylum.Note: All quoted poems and lines are from "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" (the book and the first theatrical adaptation).





	Lobsters

_Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!  
How I wonder what you're at!_

Jervis Tetch voiced a put-upon sigh, casting a stricken gaze ceilingward. When the Joker was seized by a manic mood -- especially while in Arkham Asylum, away from his favorite playmate -- he would start yelling and mocking the other inmates by turns. Clearly, Jervis was the target today, despite the fact that the Joker had no clear line of sight to his victim.

'Perhaps it's my own fault,' Jervis thought, as the Joker warbled through the single stanza, 'for choosing an alias associated with a literary work full of poems.'

When the short parody verse garnered no reaction, the Joker sang out,

_How doth the little crocodile  
Improve his shining tail  
And pour the waters of the Nile  
On every golden scale..._

Jervis narrowed his eyes. He recognized the rhythm of that recitation! It was more than a little insulting to realize that the Joker wasn't even referring to the book, but rather to the Disney film from 1951.

Someone -- a female someone, closer to Jervis's cell -- laughed. He couldn't place the voice with any certainty. She waited until the Joker finished, but before the clown could move on, her voice rang through the cell block:

_'Tis the voice of the Lobster: I heard him declare  
"You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair."  
As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose  
Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes.  
When the sands are all dry, he is gay as a lark,  
And will talk in contemptuous tones of the Shark;  
But, when the tide rises and sharks are around,  
His voice has a timid and tremulous sound._

"I think you're the Lobster here, Joker!" Pamela Isley called out. That meant she couldn't be the one who'd recited the poem, though she'd been the first one Jervis thought of, given the medium-low range of the mystery voice.

The Joker subsided into unintelligible grumbles as the other inmates laughed. He never cared for being the butt of the joke, after all, and making him one was a surefire way to get him to shut up.

Jervis leaned against the door of his own cell and called out to the owner of the mystery voice, "Aren't you going to finish?"

She laughed again, and asked, "Should I? After all, the second stanza was written for the musical stage play in 1886, not the original book."

Jervis pressed a hand to his mouth to stifle the delighted laugh that wanted to burst free. He couldn't speak for a moment, sure that he would ruin things by sounding too excited. It wasn't often that he found someone with a deeper knowledge of 'Alice' lore, especially not in his current state of confinement.

" _Call it what you like, and say 'thank you for the information'_ ," The mystery woman said -- clearly another quote -- as he continued to agonize over what to say. When she laughed this time, it was a girlish giggle at odds with her speaking voice -- and then she lapsed into silence too.

The silence stretched for too long. Perhaps she was embarrassed by his lack of reply? Jervis didn't like that thought, so he cleared his throat and reached for his bravery and said,

"Thank you for the information."

The silence from the other cell lasted a bit longer, and then the woman sighed. Her tone was teasing, but in a friendly way, as she wondered, "I suppose the duet that line leads into was too big an ask?"

Jervis sighed, "I do hate to disappoint a lady, but my knowledge of the ancillary works isn't as thorough as what I know of the primary source."

"And it's not like the library here is worth a damn, is it?" she asked in a stage whisper. This time, Jervis couldn't muffle his laughter, and his unseen conversationalist seemed genuinely pleased when she said, "You agree, then. I'm glad we have even more common ground."

Jervis was surprised that none of the staff had stepped in and told either of them to be quiet. He'd been expecting it at any moment. Perhaps they were allowed to continue on the grounds that they were having a pleasant, civil conversation. Or perhaps the staff was just too shocked at the revelation that civil conversation was possible from any of the inmates.

For whatever reason, he was glad they hadn't been interrupted.

"I must admit, I don't recognize your voice," Jervis said. "I'm Jervis Tetch. What's your name?"

There was a long pause before the mystery woman spoke again. "My name is Marion."

"Mary Ann?" Jervis couldn't resist asking, hoping that the teasing tone was taken the right way.

She quickly retorted, "Don't ask me to fetch your gloves and fan."

"Oh, I wouldn't dare." Jervis assured her, finishing by pronouncing her name correctly, "I promise, Marion."

Nor will he push for her full name. There's time enough to find that out. She'd likely been committed to Arkham Asylum, just like he was.

'After all,' Jervis thought to himself, 'we're all mad here.'

*-*-*-*-*


End file.
